jivy | 
03 15th, 2007| 
There’s something about cuddly couple cuteness that irks us like nails on a blackboard. If you’re guilty of committing any of these offences, you, too, are startling strangers with your achingly amorous affectations.
Stealth heavy petting You can’t keep your mitts off her. We get it. But don’t think we don’t know you’re tickling your lover’s thigh under the table. Keep your paws where we can see ‘em!
Glimpse of heaven Your house is perfect. You’re both beautiful beyond belief. You’re healthy, hip and hygienic. But don’t torture me with the beach photos from that fabulous trip to Tahiti.
All-dressed So he doesn’t bow to the altar of GQ. That doesn’t give you the right to drape sweaters over him like he’s your personal Ken doll. Let the man dress himself.
Nauseating nicknames Poopykins. Honey bear. Baby boo. Muffin cake. Whatever happened to good ol’ ”dear?”
Frankenlovers That’s not how it happened . . . Oh, Sweetie, you always forget what I wore on our first date . . . Sound familiar? If you want to maintain separate identities, quit correcting your lover’s version of events. Let Poopykins speak!
